three twenty one.

i, generally, just want people to be happy. often, i put my emotions aside to allow people to be happy. some would say, i am a push over. but the difference between me and a push over is that i make decisions, and i form my own decisions, and i let people know how i feel. i just try to do it in a way that wouldn't cause conflict, or seem rude. i hope that you all understand that.

a man chooses, a slave obeys.

-andrew ryan

and that's that.

now, as i told you, i try to make people happy. but, you may wonder, what is my source of enjoyment? what do i feed off of. in order to make people happy, i must maintain a positive attitude. well, this is where music comes in, but mainly, where my friends come in.

music isn't just something that pleases my ears anymore. and as cliche as it may sound, music has become a way of life for me. its something that will never be put on the back burner. in whatever i do, music will be there. to me, music is more than just instruments and words fashioned in a delightful manner. music all the small things i hear throughout my day-to-day life. the crunching of leaves, the rustling of people gathering there things in a way to crowded classroom, the wind blowing, the screeching of door henges, the rhythm of foot steps, everything! not to say, that i don't enjoy actual music. i do in fact, very much enjoy it. i wish everyday of my life could consist of composing music.

although i can't make music every hour of every day, i get to make up for that lost time. i am in a band called guernica. and we are fucking awesome. we are currently working on a concept album, i will post a summary of the summary that was typed up by my dear love, and singer of our band, rui miao.

"once, in the kingdom of guernica,there lived a king and a queen that desperately vied for a child. the regal queen was able to bear none, but when the king pleaded to the divine, a miraculous child was born at the expense of the queen’s life. however, even though the child was female, and even though the king’s advisors called the child wicked, the king loved his daughter with all his heart. As time went on, the king watched the growth of his darling daughter, and the growth of his advisor’s dissent of his heir. every night he was tortured by the thought of his child losing her happiness. the king, finally succumbed to his advisor’s beliefs, decided to take his daughter to the kingdom’s river. there, he drowned her. wrought with regret at his actions, he rushed her to a secretive doctor, asking him to fix her. she is saved, but barely, as she only exists in a dream-filled coma. during her deep sleep, she receives visions from a ghost of a future kingdom war. the king, still consumed by guilt, resides at her bedside hoping for her to wake up because she is his heart, and hoping she stays asleep because of what his hand has done. now, he can only hope for her forgiveness… "  

now, you see, guernica is much more than just a band, it is a family. not by blood, but by heart. zac davis, josh hill, rui miao, and jason ruth, happen to be the best things in my life. (oh, and london crisler, but she isn't in the band, she is just my soul mate, in a friend way.) i love them. and the love i share with them is something that words could even begin to describe. if i lost one of them, i would lose a part of me. i would do anything for them. as music, where ever i go in life, they will be there. maybe not physically, but in my heart. they are my joy. it makes me sad, that so many people will never get to experience what i have, and what i will. it makes me sad that so many people won't get a chance to love.

 

happiness: state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.